So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize