So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
