dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
