He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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