what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
