ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
