My cat gives me a boner
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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