my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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