i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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