I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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