It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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