i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
