this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
