woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
