that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
