So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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