I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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