I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
