They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
