3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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