for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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