is your mom at the bar?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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