I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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