I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
