My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
