I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
