Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my phone needs a breathalizer
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
