There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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