i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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