i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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