my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sorry about my life...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
