I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
