happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
