i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
