Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
