you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
