You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
