"it" just moved
i barfeds in our rink
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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