I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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