I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
