You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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