There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
