You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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