well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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