how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have fence marks all over my body
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
