I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
