i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
