Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

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(309): View more from Illinois

i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.

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(516): View more from New York

until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face

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(207): View more from Maine

when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance

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(512): View more from Texas

He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.

(713): View more from Texas

Yeah you should have just let that thought go.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?

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