sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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