I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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