Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
