Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
