I'm so fucking centered right now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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