i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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