shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Welp...herpes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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