we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
