tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
