It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
