You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize