I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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