You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
