he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
