I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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