You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize