Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
