it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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