I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
