I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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