Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
