alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
