I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
