The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
