sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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