At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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