I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
