I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
