From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
