I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize