Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
