my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ugly people sure do ruin things
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
