Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
