she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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