I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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