people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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