I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
