benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
