If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
