Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
