Umm I'm too high to move.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
