It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
