I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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