if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize