At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
