how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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