I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
