mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
