Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
