I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
