I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
