you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found your dick twin last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize