I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
