it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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