Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just cropdusted the office
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I smell like Dick and happiness
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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