Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As shirtless as possible
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
