I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize