it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize