this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize