Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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