i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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