looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
