Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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