we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
