Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
